Personally, I have experienced sexual harassment, abuse and discrimination.
One former Chairman referred to his penis as “The Beast”, the Managing Director, now Chairman, referred to me and a colleague as “thick as shit” in front of our teams, and had to be coached before meeting by the HR Manager because of his “anger” issues.
“The Beast” was convicted of two counts of criminal damage after he was caught on CCTV painting “BITCH” on my car, returning a month later to throw red paint over it. He should also have been charged with harassment and intimidation as a section 4 offence, malicious communication, witness intimidation and stalking but the British Judiciary failed me, and many others like me.
Another sent racist, sexist and wholly inappropriate messages and emails. He also was aware that I was being sexually harassed at work, and provided a key to filing cabinets when I asked for a key to my office door, more concerned was he about the clients’ files than my safety. Knowing I have PTSD, they allowed and rewarded the laziest slime ball I ever had the displeasure of working with.
The only light at the end of this tunnel, I am a witness in an HMRC and police investigation into an estimated £7.8 billion fraud, money laundering, fraud by misrepresentation, tax and VAT crimes.
What many don’t understand is the long-term damage their behaviours can cause to others, or they do, but simply don’t care. I never had time off sick, went back to work a week after major back surgery, having been signed off for 8 weeks, but as the bullying got worse, I dreaded driving to the office, I felt physically sick, not knowing what the narcissist had in store for me that day. Would he be all pally again or treat me like I was his moral enemy.
What all these individuals forget, I made them a LOT of money, and this is how they repaid my loyalty, hard work and working on holidays and whilst in hospital. I was protective of my team, but when I left, very few kept in touch. I sometimes wish I hadn’t have bothered.
I have been asked why I put up with certain behaviours for so long, and I liken it to a victim of domestic abuse. If you are told you are not good enough for long enough, you begin to believe it.
If you are unsupported, you may think you are not worth their time. Realistically narcissists hate themselves.
I cannot remember where I found this or who wrote it, but it is the best description of a narcissist I have ever read, and I kept it all these years for a reason. Edited.
Dear Co-dependent Partner or Employee,
What I am about to say is not something I’d ever say or admit (to you), because to do so would end the winner-takes-all-game that is my main source of pleasure in life – one that effectively keeps you carrying my load in our relationship.
And that’s the whole point.
When I say ‘I love you’ I mean that I love how hard you work to make me feel like your everything, that I am the focus of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I’ll never be expected to do the same.
I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and intentions to be nice, and the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.
I love the feeling it gives me thinking of you as weak, vulnerable, emotionally fluffy, and I love looking down on you for your childlike innocence and gullibility, as weakness.
I love the way I feel that, through the use of gaslighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this ‘power’ to train you to feel ‘crazy’ for even asking or bringing up issues that do not interest me, effectively lowering your expectations of me and what I’m capable of giving you, while I undermine of you.
I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours), and that, regardless of what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)
It’s not about the closeness, empathy, emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend engaged with you or the children, and so on. It’s about my status and doing my job to keep you in your place, in pain, focused on feeling my pain, blocking you from feeling valued in relation to me. I’m superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration, and comforting between us, remember?
‘I love you’ means I love the way I feel when you are with me, more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property I own, my possession. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which you enhance my status in the eyes of others, letting them know that I am top dog, and so on. I love thinking that others are jealous of my possessions.
I love that you are there to blame whenever I feel this ‘neediness’; feeling scorn for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, that I feel totally dependent on you to ‘feed’ my sense of superiority and entitlement, and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.
Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status, especially when you question ‘how’ I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that getting you to accept yourself as an object for my pleasure, happy regardless of how I treat you, or the children – is key proof of my superiority, to the world. You’re my possession, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act callously towards those ‘crazy’ things that only the ‘weak’ people need such as ‘closeness’ and ‘emotional stuff’ and by the way, I know this ‘works’ because my childhood taught me to do this to myself inside.
It makes me light up with pleasure (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily get you flustered, make you act ‘crazy’ over not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you’ll later hate yourself for because of your niceness’ Everything you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure I’ll taunt you with later, to keep you ever-spinning your wheels, ever trying to explain yourself, ever doubting yourself and confused, trying to figure out why I don’t ‘get’ it.
There is nothing to ‘get’! To break the code, you’d have to look through my lens, not yours! It’s my job to show complete disinterest in your emotional needs, hurts, wants and to train, dismiss and punish accordingly, until you learn your ‘lesson’ that is. To take your place as a voiceless object, a possession has no desire except to serve my pleasure and comfort and never an opinion on how it’s treated.
That you can’t figure this out, after all the ways I mistreated you, to me, is proof of my genetic superiority. In my playbook, those with superiority genes are never kind, except to lure and snare their victims!
‘I love you’ means I need you because, due to the self-loathing I carry inside, I need someone who won’t abandon me that I can use as a punching bag, to make myself feel good by making them feel bad about themselves. This is how I pleasure myself, and the way I numbly deny the scary feelings I carry inside that I hope to never admit, ever. I hate any signs of weakness in me, which is why I hate you, and all those I consider inferior, stupid, feeble and so on.
And I love that, no matter how hard you beg and plead for my love and admiration, to feel valued in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control. Why would I let it, when I’m hooked on deriving pleasure from depriving you of anything that would be the wind beneath your wings, risking you’d fly away from me? It gives me great pleasure to not give you what you yearn for, the tenderness you need and want, and to burst your every dream and bubble, then telling myself, ‘I’m no fool’.
I love that I can control your attempts to get ‘through’ to me, by controlling your mind, in particular, by shifting the focus of any ‘discussion’ onto what is wrong with you, your failure to appreciate and make me feel loved, good enough – and of course, reminding you of all I’ve done for you, and how ungrateful you are.
I love how I skillfully manipulate others’ opinions of you as well, getting them to side with me as the ‘good’ guy, and side against you as the ‘bad’ guy, portraying you as needy, never satisfied, always complaining, selfish and controlling, and the like.
I love how easy it is for me to say ‘No’! To what may provide you a sense of value and significance in relation to me, with endless excuses, and that I instead keep your focus on my needs and wants, my discomfort or pain.
I love feeling that I own your thoughts, your ambitions, and ensuring your wants and needs are solely focused on not upsetting me, keeping me happy.
I love being a drug of choice you ‘have to’ have, regardless of how I mistreat you, despite all the signs that your addiction to me is draining the energy from your life, that you are at the risk of losing more and more of what you most value, and hold dear, to include the people you love, and those who love and support you. I love that I can isolate you from others who may nourish you, and break the spell, and I love making you mistrust them, so that you conclude no one else really wants to put up with you, but me.
I love that I can make you feel I’m doing you a favour by being with you and throwing crumbs your way.
I love that you keep telling me how much I hurt you, not knowing that, to me, this is like a free marketing report, which lets me know how effective my tactics have been to keep you in pain, focused on alleviating my pain – so that I am ever the winner in this competition – ensuring that you will ever weaken (control) me with your love – and emotional-closeness stuff.